BLIGHTED OVUM

Apparently, BLIGHTED OVUM is old school terminology. Regardless of what they call it now (Anembryonic Pregnancy or Early Pregnancy Failure ), it all means the same thing - Miscarriage. We went to the docs and they explained it the best they could: basically the egg was fertilized, the sac began to develop, but the pregnancy ceased before the embryo kicked in. Because we have to monitor everything, and take shots, and count the minutes to every step we knew we were pregnant before most folks would. Pretty much we can pinpoint the exact moment of prego-hood. The docs told us that some gals may not even be aware they are pregnant when they have a blighted ovum.

Linda took it rough. For me, when the doc told us that an embryo had not developed, I pretty much just wrote it off as another failed attempt. Bad me. I sort of just shrugged my shoulders at the whole thing and said, "Well, that's that." Not good. Linda was more emotionally entrenched and my response was devastating to her. She took my easy-come-easy-go manner as indifference. Which, looking back, we see that it wasn't, but it sure looked that way. I think the way I responded was a calculated, innate defense against suffering through another emotional rollercoaster like I had when we lost TJ. It isn't that I looked at the miscarriage as a "lesser" loss, but as something that I couldn't deal with in the first place. Linda and I were equally emotional about the situation, but my way of handling it was to put up a layer of bricks and somehow convince myself that she hadn't been pregnant at all.

So, here we are again. Shots, and scans, and time charts, and the whole bit. We know the formula. We know what needs to be done. Looking back over all my experiences in trying to get a family up and running, I have learned this: If an f-ing BLIGHTED OVUM ever comes my way again, I ain't gonna shrug it off. I am going to hold my wife close, and reassure her that I am there for her.